Let’s just jump right out of the gate and tell you that although this is a “real” day, it is being used as an analogy to remind you to water yourself…take care of yourself…make sure you have all that you need in this life.
Are you doing that? If yes, good for you! Keep up the good work. If you are not or you could be stronger at this, please keep reading.
Taking care of yourself (watering your flower) is no different than the maintenance you perform on your car. That includes filling it with gas, changing the oil, checking your engine periodically, washing your car, conducting preventative maintenance by flushing systems, rotating tires, and other wrench-twisting things I really don’t know.
But I do know that if you do not do these things regularly, that car you get into on a regular basis that you trust to always start for you, to always be able to get you from Point A to Point B, and to always get you there safely, will one day not do those things for you if you do not take care of it.
I think we have all had the situation where we turned the key and the engine wouldn’t start or it made a terrible noise. What about getting a flat tire on the side of the road? We all know what a HUGE set back this is. It costs us time and money, and depending on the situation, could be dangerous and put us in a bad situation.
Please start to think and remember that watering your flower is no different than getting an oil change on your car. You do it for your tomorrow. You don’t want any challenges in the future, so you take care of things now. The same needs to be the case for you. Take care of you now. We are only talking a matter of minutes a day anyway — somewhere between 15 and 60.
YOU are worth that! You are actually worth a gazillion times that, but we will start where we have to!
Is time a challenge?
Let me just start off with not being very popular here with this comment. MAKE the time! Make it! Start with even just 15 minutes a day. If you cannot find 15 minutes in a day I would challenge you to question if you have an ATTENTION management problem rather than a TIME management problem.
Viewing this message as the analogy of watering flowers, we all know that a flower MUST have water or it will die. Will you die without self-care? Probably not, or at least not immediately. Could it lead to stress that leads to a heart attack? Possibly, but I’m not a doctor. Does it lead to burn out, frustration, disappointment, unmet expectations, and unfairness? YES! Does that lead to resentment, uncorked explosive emotions, and tears? YES!
I have a lot of time-management tips and tricks I can give you, but I would first challenge you to just notice where your time is going. Are there things you are doing that can fall off and no one would notice? (Last I knew, there was no rule that a house has to be cleaned once a week)! Can you simplify your routine in any way such as making a weekly grocery list, shopping once a week for the grocery list, and doing as much meal preparation (i.e., chopping of vegetables, etc.) in advance as possible for the week? Is scrolling social media and getting lost in it worth more than your precious flower? I know here some may say that it relaxes them and they are chilling out while scrolling. I get that part fully. However, does it leave you feeling truly fulfilled once you are done? Do you walk away saying to yourself, “I am so glad I scrolled Facebook for an hour and saw what all these people I don’t talk to in real life are doing”? I wonder if the nights you took a relaxing bubble bath with a cup of tea, music playing, and a candle burning, and you slept like a baby that night, if that would leave you feeling more fulfilled and productive? It’s worth testing out to see!
Is feeling guilty a challenge?
Let me start with asking why in the world do you feel bad about taking care of yourself? Who else is going to take care of you? Not taking care of you is being a martyr and being a martyr never got anyone anywhere! I am serious about this. Yes, you may have a gazillion things to do that day. Yes, your kids or spouse may need things from you. Yes, you may have ailing family members that need your support. But, you will be a big pile of garbage to them anyway when you are frazzled and deflated.
Your cup must be full so that you can give some to others. When your cup is empty, you have nothing to give. And with nothing to give, you both suffer!
When — NOT if! — you start to water your own flower and ANYONE in your life asks you, “why are you doing that?” or “When you are off meditating I have to take care of the screaming kids.” or “Now that you are taking nightly walks I have to do the dishes?!” then you can wonder — and ask if you desire — “who is the selfish one now???” THAT should make you stop and pause right there!
Also, PLEASE know and remember the different types of guilt. Someone else putting their expectations on you should not make you feel guilty. You could argue that is manipulation! An example: You have a “food pusher” in your life and you have made a commitment to get yourself healthy. They ask you to go to lunch. When you order healthy items off the menu, they still beg you to split a desert with them. When you politely refuse they get upset with you. This is them pushing their expectations on to you. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. However, how many times have we allowed this “push” to make us feel so guilty that we give in to something that we don’t want in the first place?
Is not knowing how a challenge?
Like anything new, start small and get your feet wet. Start with giving yourself 15 minutes a day. I encourage everyone to schedule this time for yourself — on your paper calendar, on your electronic calendar, and make an announcement to your family to “do not disturb.” Then, tuck yourself away somewhere where you will not be disturbed, so that includes either not bringing electronics with you or setting it to airplane mode. Set an alarm for the time you allocated for yourself.
Consider things such as:
- Read a chapter in a book
- Flip through a magazine
- Take a bubble bath
- Paint your nails
- Do a crossword puzzle
- Work on a hobby you have
- Call a friend who fills you up
- Get a massage
- Meet a friend or friends for a drink or a meal
- Go for a walk
- Take a nap
- Just sit and think
Rinse and repeat every single day. Make adjustments along the way as necessary. Hopefully one of those adjustments is increasing it to an hour a day.
Happy to help!
If you are needing support in this area, as a coach and hypnotherapist, I can provide you with a variety of tools to get you started with learning how to water your own garden. If you need my support, there are a variety of ways I can help you, all of which can be found on my LinkTree account and include:
- I hold a FREE monthly MeetUp the first Thursday of every month to help build self-esteem and confidence. Please join us!
- Daily I post inspirational messages or videos on my Instagram and Facebook pages. Periodically I post inspirational and/or informative videos on my YouTube account. Follow me if you desire.
- I published a book about self-acceptance for a life of confidence and fulfillment. It is under $10 for the paperback edition and under $5 for the Kindle version.
- I have a FREE mind, body, spirit journey to help people align these very important areas of your life.
- I hold women’s workshops, either live or via Zoom, on a variety of topics. If you have a small group that you would like to connect and come together as a small community to learn mindfulness; how to stay positive, productive and empowered during uncertain times; create vision boards; set goals, etc., let me know and I will put together a customized program.
- As a certified life and health coach and certified hypnotherapist, there a variety of tools to assist you with any goals you may have. I offer a FREE 30-minute strategy session to learn more about your desired outcomes and how best we could work together.